No Bye Weeks for Bloggers

aahhh, the Cowboys bye week. i can relax, take it easy and clear my head
for the big push to the playoffs. NOT !!!!
nope i have discovered that there is no bye week for us creative writer types.
the ideas just cant be bottled up. its like trying to stop the waters of Lake
Ponchatrain from spilling over the levees of New Orleans.

I like football fans in general, Cowboy football fans in particular but I have a
huge gripe with a lot of them. They tend to think that THEY could do what the players
do, and do it sooo much better. They think that there should never be any mistakes,
no fumbles, nary an interception, no one should ever complete a pass against their
team and when the other team scores its just totally unacceptable. so in order to
teach a lesson in reality i have come up with a plan.

This week i want any of you who think this football stuff is so easy to try some things for me.
Go outside..i know this means getting out of the recliner but hey work with me here.
Get a football, a real football not one of those tiny, soft, easy to grip ones your
kids have but a real one. Now pace off about 15 yards from the tree in your yard.
Now, with no one chasing you or trying to tear your head from your body throw the
football at the tree. See how many times you actually hit the tree. Now move back
10 more yards, try it again...and be honest about how many times you hit the tree.
If your percentage equals your favorite QB's completion percentage i will be greatly
surprised, but remember nobody is trying to keep you from throwing the ball either.

Next step..go back to where you started throwing ( 15 yards or so ). Now, turn around
facing the opposite direction from your tree, bend over and try snapping the ball
at the tree. Okay now wipe the dirt from your face from where your head hit the ground when you tried this and record your results. Did you even come close to the tree ??

For our next experiment you may want to go the park. Lots of room to run there you
know. Okay..take off running as fast as you can....after 20 yards while still running
as fast as you can just turn your head around and look up just like you are looking
for a football..did that slow you down any at all ?? did it make you a little uncomfortable ?? were you at least a little worried about running into something ?

Now this next test may get you into a little trouble with the wife so wait till she
has gone to work or something. Move that big recliner into the middle of the living
room floor. Put all your kids in it, or the dog or something really heavy. About
300 pounds worth of heavy. Now get into a 3 point stance..say " HUT HUT " really
loud ( the snap was on 2 ) and charge into that chair. Push it around as much as you
want to. Drive it back..cmon..harder..faster. Now, do that 50 or 60 times. are you tired yet ?? arent you glad it wasnt pushing you back ?? now remember..a real
defensive lineman isnt going to just passively let you do that but maybe now you
have a sense of what those big uglies (offensive lineman ) do for a living.

Lets see...we have been a QB, a long snapper ( without the 2 big mean guys hitting us), a Defensive back, an offensive lineman..whats next ??

Oh yeah..field goal kickers. Nahhh if you arent convinced by now there is no sense
in embarassing ourselves any further.

Anyway i hope this helps. Now maybe next game you will be a little less critical
of your team. If you still think you could do it as good or better please contact
your local mental health professional. mention the words " delusions of grandeur".
also mention you read it here for 25% off. plus maybe i will get a referral fee or something. later Poke